i need a change of scenery... my stupid suburban city has gotten awful boring in the near-14 years i've lived here. i used to entertain the thought of leaving, but i had my friends motivating me to stay. now, i only have 2 friends that i barely even talk to, and weird dudes keep flirting with me. i have nothing to lose. i brought this up to my mom, and she feels the same way, but she can't just leave her job and shit. if it was up to me, i'd be halfway across the country now.

well, when i'm 18, it will be up to me. when i graduate high school, i can do what i want. but, i'll be expected to go to college and shit.

that was the plan. i wanted to go to college for this specific career i wanted, and then i was gonna move to japan and pursue that career. but now, i'm not sure what i wanna do.

i wanna explore the country. there's a lot of places i want to go. when/if i start my life in japan, that'll be harder. if i go to college, i'll be too busy to travel around. besides, going to japan would require learning the language, and do i really have the mental energy for that...?

at the same time... america sucks, and i should probably get out of here. also, the jobs that require no college degree or experience, and jobs that acommodate my disability shit, don't exactly overlap.

it feels like my life is flying by me. if i'm gonna go to college, i'll need to start applying soon. i have, like, a year and a half to decide what i wanna do. can i please just have a break to figure out what i want? please...